THE NAKED GUN:
Frank: It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.
Frank: It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Jane Spencer: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.
Mayor: Now Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that's my policy.
Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that's my policy.
Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!
Ed: A hunch won't stand up in court, Frank. Going into Ludwig's office without a warrant, you're taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.
Frank: Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eat.
[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! He really was innocent!
Ed: Frank, Kelner went to the chair two years ago.
Frank: Well, uh...
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]
Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can't hear you! Don't fire the gun while you're talking!
Frank: Yes, he's in the intensive care ward at Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle.
Frank: Protecting the Queen's safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.
Frank: oh, say can you see, buy the dawn's early light, what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming. who's bright strips and broad stars, in the parelious night, o'er the rampart's we watched, as the da da, da, da, da, da, and the rocket's red glare, lots of bombs in the air, gave proof to the night, that we still had a flag, oh say does that spangle banner wave, over all-l-l-l-l that's free, over the home, of the land, and the land of the free!
[Frank Drebin walks through town]
Frank: [narrating] The attempt on Nordberg's life left me shaken and disturbed, and all the questions kept coming up over and over again, like bubbles in a case of club soda. Who was this character in the hospital? And why was he trying to kill Nordberg? And for whom? Did Ludwig lie to me? I didn't have any proof, but, somehow, I didn't entirely trust him, either. Why was the I Luv You not listed in Ludwig's records? And if it was, did he know about it? And if he didn't, who did? And where the hell was I?
Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! I hope he's OK!
Frank: He'll be fine. Unless he's a drooling vegetable.
THE NAKED GUN 2 1/2:
[Frank meets Jane after a long time.]
Lt. Frank Drebin: How are the children?
Jane Spencer: We didn't have any children.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Yes, of course.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
Jane Spencer: He's Caucasian.
Ed Hocken: Caucasian?
Jane Spencer: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A mustache. About five-foot-ten.
Lt. Frank Drebin: That's an awfully big mustache.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.
Ed Hocken: Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.
Nordberg: I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.
Lt. Frank Drebin: No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.
Ed Hocken: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.
Nordberg: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
Lt. Frank Drebin: North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
[Lt. Frank Drebin is unhappy about Dr. Mainheimer]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Have you noticed anything different about him?
Jane Spencer: Well, only that he's a foot taller, and he seems to be left handed now... Frank, what are you trying to tell me? That Quentin has somehow found an exact double for Dr. Mainheimer and that tomorrow that double will give a fraudulent report to the president?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Why that's brilliant, that's a lot better than what I came up with.
[Lt. Frank Drebin making a speech at the White House]
Lt. Frank Drebin: ...blowing away a fleeing suspect with my 44 magnum used to mean everything to me, I enjoyed it, well who wouldn't?
Lt. Frank Drebin: The truth hurts doesn't it, Hapsburg? Oh, sure maybe not as much as jumping on a bike with the seat missing...
Lt. Frank Drebin: This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements. One - guns down. Two - come on out.
[Lt. Drebin is questioning an almost-dead criminal, he had just questioned another one who died on him]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Talk.
Explosion Thug #2: You're too late.
Lt. Frank Drebin: He already said that.
Explosion Thug #2: Where'd he leave off?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Er, "Hapsburg has Plan B in... "
Explosion Thug #2: Oh, yeah. Hapsburg has Plan B in... in...
Lt. Frank Drebin: Where? Where? Talk, you low-life scum.
Explosion Thug #2: Gee, if that's your attitude, forget it. (dies)
[the police commissioner is informed of all the animals escaping from the city zoo]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Good evening commissioner. You look lovely tonight.
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: Shut up! Do you realize that because of you, this city is being overrun by baboons?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?
THE NAKED GUN 33 1/3:
[Frank Drebin is stopped at the entrance of the Award Ceremony place]
Frank Drebin: Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad.
Guard: Yeah, and I'm Robert De Niro.
Frank Drebin: Mr. De Niro, we got to get inside.
Tanya Peters: You're all man. I like that in my men.
Frank Drebin: You're coming on to me big time, sister. You're preying on me like a kitten with a fresh mouse. And we got a problem.
Tanya Peters: You're Jewish?
Frank Drebin: No. You're Rocko's girl, and in my book that chapter's called "look but don't touch."
Tanya Peters: I could have two lovers.
Frank Drebin: Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.
Ed Hocken: You might end up dead!
Frank Drebin: "You might end up dead" is my middle name.
Ed Hocken: What about Jane?
Frank Drebin: I don't know her middle name.
Frank Drebin: Mrs. Dillon, your son is a ruthless, cold-blooded, sadistic animal. You must be proud of him.
Muriel Dillon: I am.
Frank Drebin: Well... We shot a lot of people together. It's been great. But today I retire, so if I do any shooting now, it'll have to be within the confines of my own home. Hopefully, an intruder and not an in-law, like at my bachelor party.
Ed Hocken: We heard about you and Jane.
Frank Drebin: Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her.
Frank: It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.
Frank: It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Jane Spencer: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.
Mayor: Now Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that's my policy.
Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that's my policy.
Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!
Ed: A hunch won't stand up in court, Frank. Going into Ludwig's office without a warrant, you're taking a big chance.
Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.
Frank: Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eat.
[Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! He really was innocent!
Ed: Frank, Kelner went to the chair two years ago.
Frank: Well, uh...
[Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]
Thug: Drebin?
Frank: Yeah!
Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
[Shoots gun at Drebin]
Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
Frank: I can't hear you! Don't fire the gun while you're talking!
Frank: Yes, he's in the intensive care ward at Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle.
Frank: Protecting the Queen's safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans we must be gracious and considerate hosts.
Frank: oh, say can you see, buy the dawn's early light, what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming. who's bright strips and broad stars, in the parelious night, o'er the rampart's we watched, as the da da, da, da, da, da, and the rocket's red glare, lots of bombs in the air, gave proof to the night, that we still had a flag, oh say does that spangle banner wave, over all-l-l-l-l that's free, over the home, of the land, and the land of the free!
[Frank Drebin walks through town]
Frank: [narrating] The attempt on Nordberg's life left me shaken and disturbed, and all the questions kept coming up over and over again, like bubbles in a case of club soda. Who was this character in the hospital? And why was he trying to kill Nordberg? And for whom? Did Ludwig lie to me? I didn't have any proof, but, somehow, I didn't entirely trust him, either. Why was the I Luv You not listed in Ludwig's records? And if it was, did he know about it? And if he didn't, who did? And where the hell was I?
Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! I hope he's OK!
Frank: He'll be fine. Unless he's a drooling vegetable.
THE NAKED GUN 2 1/2:
[Frank meets Jane after a long time.]
Lt. Frank Drebin: How are the children?
Jane Spencer: We didn't have any children.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Yes, of course.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
Jane Spencer: He's Caucasian.
Ed Hocken: Caucasian?
Jane Spencer: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A mustache. About five-foot-ten.
Lt. Frank Drebin: That's an awfully big mustache.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Hector Savage. From Detroit. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.
Ed Hocken: Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.
Nordberg: I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.
Lt. Frank Drebin: No you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.
Ed Hocken: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin.
Nordberg: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember it was North or South.
Lt. Frank Drebin: North. South Dakota was his brother. From West Virginia.
[Lt. Frank Drebin is unhappy about Dr. Mainheimer]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Have you noticed anything different about him?
Jane Spencer: Well, only that he's a foot taller, and he seems to be left handed now... Frank, what are you trying to tell me? That Quentin has somehow found an exact double for Dr. Mainheimer and that tomorrow that double will give a fraudulent report to the president?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Why that's brilliant, that's a lot better than what I came up with.
[Lt. Frank Drebin making a speech at the White House]
Lt. Frank Drebin: ...blowing away a fleeing suspect with my 44 magnum used to mean everything to me, I enjoyed it, well who wouldn't?
Lt. Frank Drebin: The truth hurts doesn't it, Hapsburg? Oh, sure maybe not as much as jumping on a bike with the seat missing...
Lt. Frank Drebin: This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements. One - guns down. Two - come on out.
[Lt. Drebin is questioning an almost-dead criminal, he had just questioned another one who died on him]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Talk.
Explosion Thug #2: You're too late.
Lt. Frank Drebin: He already said that.
Explosion Thug #2: Where'd he leave off?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Er, "Hapsburg has Plan B in... "
Explosion Thug #2: Oh, yeah. Hapsburg has Plan B in... in...
Lt. Frank Drebin: Where? Where? Talk, you low-life scum.
Explosion Thug #2: Gee, if that's your attitude, forget it. (dies)
[the police commissioner is informed of all the animals escaping from the city zoo]
Lt. Frank Drebin: Good evening commissioner. You look lovely tonight.
Commissioner Anabell Brumford: Shut up! Do you realize that because of you, this city is being overrun by baboons?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?
THE NAKED GUN 33 1/3:
[Frank Drebin is stopped at the entrance of the Award Ceremony place]
Frank Drebin: Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant, Police Squad.
Guard: Yeah, and I'm Robert De Niro.
Frank Drebin: Mr. De Niro, we got to get inside.
Tanya Peters: You're all man. I like that in my men.
Frank Drebin: You're coming on to me big time, sister. You're preying on me like a kitten with a fresh mouse. And we got a problem.
Tanya Peters: You're Jewish?
Frank Drebin: No. You're Rocko's girl, and in my book that chapter's called "look but don't touch."
Tanya Peters: I could have two lovers.
Frank Drebin: Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.
Ed Hocken: You might end up dead!
Frank Drebin: "You might end up dead" is my middle name.
Ed Hocken: What about Jane?
Frank Drebin: I don't know her middle name.
Frank Drebin: Mrs. Dillon, your son is a ruthless, cold-blooded, sadistic animal. You must be proud of him.
Muriel Dillon: I am.
Frank Drebin: Well... We shot a lot of people together. It's been great. But today I retire, so if I do any shooting now, it'll have to be within the confines of my own home. Hopefully, an intruder and not an in-law, like at my bachelor party.
Ed Hocken: We heard about you and Jane.
Frank Drebin: Jane, Jane. That name will always remind me of her.